I AM ENOUGH

Back in 2010, my mom took this photo of me a few days prior to my 2nd major back surgery. 

About to miss my Senior Prom, I felt pretty bummed out about life in general. 

At the beginning of High School, I set out to be a star athlete, act in a theatre production, be the president of an after school club, get my driver’s license, get asked out to prom, and graduate as valedictorian. 

But these things, um, didn’t happen.

Because I tied my identity to accomplishments and my popularity status, my self-worth plummeted, causing me to drown in shame.

My heart breaks staring at this photo, knowing my old thought patterns.

Due to circumstances totally out of my control, I stayed busy focusing on surviving, healing. Taking it day by day. I couldn’t take part in or achieve the things my peers did.

I see this comical young girl, about to tote a cardboard cutout of her ultimate prom date to the hospital, and want to hug her, overwhelm her with compassion and speak truth over her that she was “fearfully and wonderfully” made. 

That she doesn’t have to prove, perfect, perform, or please to earn value. That she could go a whole day having done nothing but rested and still be 100% ENOUGH.

I have to remind myself of this daily. That I am ENOUGH.

Now. Tomorrow. And all the days of my life.

That, yes, it’s great set goals and accomplish things, but to not let those achievements or timelines define my worth. I can go at my own pace and THAT’S OK. 

No judgement.

Brené Brown shares in her book Dare to Lead that judgement fuels shame, but empathy snuffs it out. 

Let us choose to be more self-empathetic, especially when things out of our control shift plans or alter our timelines. That we will always be enough. No matter what.

I want to tell this girl that life will still be hard, but things will get exponentially better like her self-worth and, ahem, her wardrobe choices. 

Are you practicing self-empathy?

Take Care, 

Amanda